August 17, Our Day that Lives in Infamy

December 6, 1941
marks the lives
of an entire generation.
The day that lived in infamy
as President Franklin Delano Roosevelt declared.
A day that changed lives forever.
[](http://brendayoder.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/fdr_delivers_speech.jpg)

For most of us
there's a **day **
A day where
life changes
forever.

For us, is was August 17, 2000.

It was the first day of school
for my husband, third grader, and kindergartner.
I was busy canning apple and peach pie filling.
In a sticky, messy kitchen
with a toddler at my feet
and a baby in the high chair.

A call came,
*Mom's having a hard time breathing, *
*we're taking her to the hospital.*
We decided to go,
My mom came to help

"Mommy, will grandma be okay?"

(Nothing's probably wrong.
But what if ?
What if I say,

"She'll be fine"

and she's not?

What will that do
to ***her*** faith?)

"Kaylee, I can't answer that.
But God's in control."
I had no idea

For us,
life changed in a hospital chapel
by a chaplain we didn't know
"She's expired"
were the words
that changed our life
about the woman
who defined our world

What about you?

What date defines your life,
When life changed
and you're left
with a broken heart?

[](http://brendayoder.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/mp900396129.jpg)

Literally.

There were days
I could literally feel my chest ache
Like there was a hole so big
that nothing could ever fill it

And over time,
when I talked about her
the pain would come like waves
all over again

"*Mommy, don't cry. *
* Don't go, huhu"*
*
*
my toddler said
more than two years later
when I was telling him
about the grandma
he never knew

I sobbed so much
when I talked about her
And he didn't like to see
his mom cry
uncontrollably

And so I walked.

Through the journey of grief
Holding on to the memories,
And pondering the legacy
I wanted to pass on
so she would not be
forgotten

And I slowly realized that
letting go of grief
did not mean
letting go of her.

Today, August 17
was uneventful.

But every autumn,

[](http://brendayoder.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/mp900438920.jpg)
on a bright sunny day
when leaves in color
fall to the ground
I catch a glimpse of her face
and tears roll down my cheeks
and my heart is filled with pain

Because
some things
will never
be the same.
**Ever**

*Record my lament,*
*list my tears on your scroll*
*are they not in your record?*
*Psalm 56:8*
*
*
*Lord, for those whose days *
*are filled with grieve, pain, and loss, *
[](http://brendayoder.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/mp900444791.jpg)*comfort them in ways only you can.*
*Call them to you,*
*be their shelter, *
*and surround them with your grace*
*that transcends every excruciating pain*
*they experience. *
*Thank you for seeing every tear *
*and honoring each one.*
*
**Amen.*