Facing Insecurities: Why I Don’t Look In The Mirror
It's summer time here on the Back Forty.
With summertime comes natural beauty, fresh fruits and veggies from our garden.
[](http://66.147.244.135/~brenday1/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/photo-1-71.jpg)The first strawberries of the season.
With the changing of the seasons come *the changing of life's seasons, too*. **Years roll from one to another... and we're the same person in all of them**. I'm the same person I was many summers ago....ten, twenty, thirty years ago.
You are, too.
Every once in a while I hear the voice of the **fifteen-year-old me** though I'm well-aged past fifteen. **
**
She {or he} is inside of you.
Does she {or he} ever catch you by surprise?
**[](http://66.147.244.135/~brenday1/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/mp900399796.jpg)She recently caught me by surprise when I realized how much I shied away from looking in the mirror.** A full-length mirror showing body parts I'd rather keep covered by sweatshirts and layers of winter gear.
I realized how much I hate looking in the mirror. **But it's how I cope.**
***Cope with what?***
*** *You're probably rolling your eyes. **
Yes, I'm considered "small" if you compare me with others
But I can't compare myself with others.
It's as dangerous as looking in the mirror.
Because the fifteen year old me says how **unworthy, disgusting, and repulsive** I am when I do.
***Do you have similar lies that whisper in your ear?***
**Your lies are different than mine**. Maybe yours say, *"You're stupid, ugly, not-good-enough*," or worse.
At fifteen, I was **[bound by an eating disorder](https://brendayoder.com/2012/08/23/marathon-training-for-real/) that kept me in prison** for all of adolescence and young adulthood. I work hard at living addiction-free,** but I can't separate myself from the girl I was in childhood.** I'm the same person even though I've dropped the chains of the past.
***Do you have chains in your past?***
**Insecurities get the best of us.** My mirror-avoidance behavior reminds me that insecurities still whisper in my grown-up self.
I'm no different than you. ** Do you have insecurities?**
While avoiding the mirror may seem cowardly, it's my way of **honestly living with my weaknesses while not letting them cripple me.** It's **hard work** to live **healthy and balanced** when you've had [**distorted thinking** and **addictive behavior**](https://brendayoder.com/2013/04/22/why-i-run-and-why-you-need-freedom/) in your past.
*Can you relate?*
Your struggle may be different, but **if you battle insecurities, it's a challenge**. *Here are things I've learned in living with a life-long challenge.*
**Facing insecurities takes courage.**** **It's easier to hide behind our insecurities. **It's safe to hide behind self-[](http://66.147.244.135/~brenday1/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/mp900262788.jpg)pity. It's comforting to enable our insecurities**. *"I'm can't do that, so I won't try." "I was hurt in my past, so I need to self-medicate." "That doesn't feel comfortable, so I won't....*." The list goes on. **Acknowledging our insecurities and saying, "What am I going to do about it?" requires courage to face what we don't want exposed and courage to push ahead regardless of what our self-talk says.
**
**Facing insecurities requires realistic thinking.** Don't set yourself up for failure. **Realistic thinking means setting goals you can handle. **Looking in a full-length mirror is damaging to me. That's why I avoid the darn thing. It's also why I don't weigh myself or consider dieting. These things will send me back to disordered-eating in a heart-beat. **Finding life-long, realistic goals you can be successful at is important in overcoming insecurities.**
**Facing insecurities means knowing your limits.** Going on diets and [](http://66.147.244.135/~brenday1/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/mp900422208.jpg)getting on a scale plays mind games with me. **What things play mind-games with your insecurities?** *How can you strengthen your resolve to work through your insecurities while balancing the weaknesses of your limits?* This is crucial in not being bound by your weaknesses.
**Facing insecurities means you give grace to yourself when** **needed.** Early spring is never the best time for me to look in the mirror. I'm not as fit in the winter and I carry extra weight. *These are issues for me* even though I don't obsess over them. When the fifteen-year-old me begins whispering lies about myself, I counter-act the lies with truth. **My image does not define me.** **I've learned to give accurate grace to myself when self-loathing begins. **Where do you need to give yourself grace?
***What insecurities lurk in your shadows? What lies does your younger-self tell you? ***I'd love to encourage and support you in your efforts to lay them at the feet of Jesus and start taking steps toward the the peaceful-you. Feel free to share in a comment below or email me at **yoderbl@gmail.com. **
[](http://66.147.244.135/~brenday1/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/mp900422456.jpg)
It would be my privilege to pray with you and cheer you on.